I Have Thoughts and Opinions

So, so many thoughts and opinions.

Silence is Not an Option


Another young black man has been gunned down. His name was Mike Brown. He was unarmed.

My [redacted] e-mailed me because she knew I would be upset about this story, because she knows all of my heart, and all I could say in response was, “I am numb.”

I don’t care if Mike Brown was going to…

Why such uniform angry rejection for a line of nursing bras?

"Pregnancy is radical enough, but I don’t think anything can prepare you for the experience of giving birth and then having your body morph again into an instrument of food production, with said food production happening totally outside your conscious control. I agree with all commentary that says this is not a scenario where most women want to be bothered with pressure to look sexy.

"After a few months, though, if you choose to continue nursing, things usually settle down considerably. Your body can even skip a feeding or scheduled pump without it turning into the world’s worst wet T-shirt contest.

"This is the time when a nursing mother is often ready to reintegrate the parts of her lifestyle and identity that allow her to look and feel like something other than somebody’s feed bag. This is when it might be nice to have the best of both worlds, a bra that makes you feel like a vixen but still allows for easy access."

Dita Von Teese, My Breasts Are All Yours via @TheDailyBeast

My Receipt Was Not Good Enough


On my second day in the new town, I went to Best Buy to buy a telephone. In the store, I asked a salesperson, “Do you have old fashioned telephones as opposed to cellular phones?” He knew exactly what I meant and pointed me in the right direction.

I have a landline in my new apartment because,…

Clouds over Brooklyn Heights from the FDR. (at South Street Seaport)

Clouds over Brooklyn Heights from the FDR. (at South Street Seaport)

Infinity selfie (at Air Zoo)

Infinity selfie (at Air Zoo)





So apparently in my sister’s class, there was a trans girl that had been on the cheerleading squad for a while. When she came out, the other girls on the squad made the agreement that whatever boy made fun of her would never get a date. And if you think that’s not the most metal girl alliance ever, you can sit down.

Wow, 500 notes

Girls protecting girls.


People protecting people!

(Source: passive-aggressiveprincess, via pearwaldorf)

Should you reveal your income in your online dating profile?

Having one piece of data is not the same as having information.
Knowing someone’s income doesn’t tell you as much as you think about his or her actual financial life. Along with income are we going to list whether or not she has student loans? Whether he pays child support? Whether she has nine roommates or he lives with his parents? Who here might have a gambling problem? Raise your hand!

There is a time and place for communicating the financial aspects of our lives, and my feeling is that it should happen when we’re able to give it the proper context. Someone reading your stated income is going to make assumptions about you that may be wildly inaccurate.

Should you share your income in your online dating profile?

A piece I wrote on The Good, the Bad, and the Money about an article in LearnVest.com, in which I’m quoted. 

In a workplace where Google Glass is a standard part of the company uniform, every employee would potentially become a security camera. Managers will be able to determine with unprecedented precision how workers talk to each other, how hard they work, and even how many bathroom breaks they take. The Glass-inflected workplace would become a perfect panopticon, where the boss has the ability to see every employee through the eyes of every single other employee.

- Ned Resnikoff: Glassholes at Work, The Baffler (via futurescope)

This is totally terrifying. On the other hand, would we be glad to have observable, quantifiable evidence about everything from who steals Post-Its to sexual/racial microaggressions to worse? 

How is the “dance of the dinner check” like the Electric Slide?

Financial behavior is complex and nuanced. Take the dating world, for example. Some of the most empowered, no-BS women I know still like it when the man* picks up the check on the first few dates. Is that hold-over from traditional courtship compatible with being a modern woman? 

Absolutely yes! Who we are in new situations, with new people, is not necessarily a full representation of everything about us. Traditional gender roles can provide welcome structure to the getting-to-know-you process. It’s like warming up the dance floor with the Electric Slide, a dance you can reasonably assume most people know and one they can perform relatively easily. 

I think that the appeal of the man paying for dates is as much about avoiding awkwardness as it is about the pleasure of being treated. But the “dance of the dinner check” is a great way to pick up clues about the person you’re out with. For more about how our financial behavior is a conversation of signals, read this week’s Financial Therapy piece for SheKnows:

* Talking specifically about hetero couples in this example. I do not find that same sex couples get the same streamlining benefit from traditional gender roles as they get to know each other.